Why is it dang so hard to bring your “goals” into fruition?
I am hoping this will help you! I’ve seen and shifted over and over again with clients…
DECISION. You may not have fully DECIDED it’s happening. You may be trying it on, thinking about it, wishing for it, dreaming about it, but DECIDING means it’s happening and you are level 10 committed.
You aren’t clear on WHY you want what you want. Getting clear on that driving core motivator as to why you want the goal gives you CLARITY and clarity is what helps you focus on creating it and making it a reality. Knowing your why outsmarts distractions and willpower.
False assumed truths , the wrong beliefs and especially FEAR. It’s real. It holds us back. It’s in the way. It keeps us from getting hurt, it protects us from disappointment, it keeps us “SAFE” but it does not help us live the creative, fun, expanded life we WANT. This is especially true when it is TRULY YOUR GIFT AND CALLING. Yup. When we are truly onto our GIFTS and strengths , the risk of failure feels PERSONAL. When it is just a skill, or something you’ve learned or studied, the risk of failure is not personal. It doesn’t attack YOU as a person. Read that again. When you feel the fear you are headed in the right direction!
VISION: you haven’t fully thought through what it is you WANT and what that will look, feel and smell like when you get there! It’s like getting in a car and driving without knowing the destination! Who knows where you will end up.
You are loan wolfing it. Stop! You are making it so much harder on yourself. Find that mentor, that coach, that person who has accomplished what you want and hire them, learn from them, study them and follow a METHOD. Dang it makes things so much easier…
Last year, an article in the New York Times described “The Relentlessness of Modern Parenting.” That word struck me at the time and has stuck with me ever since. Speaking as a mom of two, the expectations and pressures weighing on parents can indeed feel relentless.
It’s not enough to keep our children clothed and fed, get them to school, and take the occasional family vacation. Parents today should provide optimal nutrition from birth and ensure that kids have the best educational opportunities. We’re told to enroll them in sports, extracurriculars, and tutoring to give them a competitive edge for college, then we’re obliged to volunteer as assistant coach, snack mom, and classroom parent. By the way, you’re already saving money for college, right?
Don’t forget, we’re also in charge of arranging playdates, monitoring screen time, and searching Pinterest for unique birthday party ideas and fun hijinks for the Elf on the Shelf.
Some of the factors that make a parent more vulnerable to burnout are:
Holding themselves to unrealistic standards
Difficult family situations due to socioeconomic pressures, strain with co-parents, or children with special health or developmental challenges, for example
Not wanting to be a parent in the first place
Lack of social support, not having a “village”
Personality traits like neuroticism, general lack of coping skills
Is Parental Burnout an Especially Modern Phenomenon?
Since research into parental burnout is fairly new, there’s no longitudinal data that speaks directly to this. Intuitively, though, it feels like parents today must experience more burnout than previous generations.
Parenting is continually evolving. Both mothers and fathers spend considerably more time interacting with their kids than they did 50 years ago.https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2015/12/17/parenting-in-america/‘>4 The financial cost of raising a child continues to rise. Social media presents a host of new challenges—cyberbullying, mommy wars, and FOMO, oh my!
More to the point, parents face social pressure to be constantly “on” like never before. Sociologists refer to this as intensive parenting, so named by Sharon Hays in her 1996 book The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood. Parents, especially mothers, are expected to invest heavily in their children, devoting nearly unlimited time, emotional energy, and money to parenting. Intensive parenting holds that parents are responsible for managing every aspect of kids’ lives, preventing all manner of potential harm, and ensuring the best possible outcomes for their children.
I’ve been going back and forth on this. On the one hand, isolation and lack of social support are huge risk factors for burnout, and parenting outside the norm can feel lonely. Repeatedly explaining—and defending—your choices to family members, pediatricians, teachers, and fellow parents can be exhausting, especially when they challenge you and call your parenting into question.
On the other hand, Primal parents may be more comfortable with the idea of free-range parenting—exempting ourselves from the pressures of intensive parenting and opting instead for a more relaxed, less “helicopter-y” style. For these parents, I’d expect burnout to be considerably lower.
Not to ignore the elephant in the room, parenting through a pandemic takes the notion of parental burnout to a whole other level. It’s terribly hard to rely on our villages while adhering to social distancing guidelines. The stress of trying to keep everyone safe, working from home, and carving out time for ourselves can become overwhelming.
Ironically, though, the pandemic and lockdowns probably alleviated burnout for some parents. We’ve been forced—or rather, given the opportunity—to slow down and spend more time with our kids. In a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association at the end of May, 82 percent of parents said they were grateful for this extra time.https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-35159-001‘>18 So, how about we all try to stop holding ourselves, and each other, to unrealistic standards that make us miserable, okay?
Stop parenting on social media
Another big one. Don’t spend valuable time and energy curating a parenting facade on social media. More importantly, stop following people who make you feel “less than” in comparison. You don’t need to compete with other parents to see whose kid is having the most magical childhood. Keep your eyes on your own paper.
You deserve to feel good about yourself as a parent, period. If you don’t, whether it’s because you are overwhelmed or need help developing effective parenting tools, don’t wait until you’re totally underwater. Ask for help now.
Burnout isn’t an inevitable consequence of modern parenting. Many parents shield themselves from the weight of the expectations and find everyday joy in raising their small humans. It’s not easy… but nothing about parenting is, is it?
I usually end by asking for feedback, but today I’d just like to offer a virtual high-five, fist bump, or hug to my fellow parents out there. Parenting is tough, but you’re tougher! You’ve got this.